Early Retirement: Accepting My Husband’s Dream
“I plan to retire at 50” my husband announced one afternoon. I just looked at him, and thought to myself, “Where is this coming from???” He was barely five years into his so called Dream Job and Forever Career. He proceeded to tell me that most people in his particular field do, in fact, retire around the age of 50 and move on to something else. I let it go in one ear and out the other. Why even think about that now? He had worked very hard to put himself through school while we were dating. Since starting the job we had married, purchased our first home, and had two boys under the age of 4. I had recently been diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, put my Dental Assisting license on hold, and had started my own dream job as a stay- at- home mom. I was learning how to live with this perplexing health condition and I was in no way prepared to even THINK about his possible retirement. That was years and years away.
As time went on I learned how to live with the daily challenges of my health issues and navigated the ever changing rigors of motherhood. A chance for advancement arose for my husband and he dedicated himself to more schooling to further his career. I could picture him working and advancing for years to come. The pay was better, we bought a larger home, and a larger car to go with our growing family. We had added a daughter and life was great. Every now and then my husband would mention his desire to retire at 50. That was still a long way off and seriously, I couldn’t even imagine him retired…Ever!
My husband has been described as “driven”, “dedicated”, and “the hardest worker I’ve ever seen.” My word of choice was Workaholic. He was always busy whether at work or here at home keeping up the house, the yard, and the vehicles maintained. Even so, he always made time to take the family on vacation, take the kids out dirt bike riding, and attending various school functions. We weathered many storms, including a broken back and neck that my husband suffered in a dirt biking accident. The initial grim prognosis didn’t come to pass and like everything else he threw himself into the rehabilitation of his body and amazingly walked back into his job in less than eight months without a single restriction. Not long after his return to work the looming recession finally and frustratingly came to pass and boy, the changes that came along with it!!!! Yet amongst the struggle another career advancement came along and he jumped at the chance. I still ignored any comment that had anything to do with retirement at 50. There were water polo games to attend, robotics competitions to drive to, and dance practices after school. We were on a tight budget but we made it work.
I would be naïve to think that things don’t change. You can be going along just fine and you hit a bump in the road, or as with the broken back episode, a whole bridge washes out! The new job situation turned out to be rather lackluster. The recession was in full force and some of the promises made didn’t quite pan out. The hours were longer, the pay was less, and the demands of the position at times seemed a bit unreasonable. Something had changed. He complained of being tired. Aches and pains cropped up. Along with everyone else, we tightened our belts even more, and rode out the storm the best we could, but did I detect a sliver of burnout in my husband’s demeanor?
I had come to the conclusion that I couldn’t go back to dental assisting with my physical limitations. Although I had become quite creative in ways to stretch the budget, I needed to do more to ease the financial burden on my husband. I did love to sew, and if I did it in small doses it wouldn’t worsen my condition. I began giving sewing lessons and took in hemming and mending. It didn’t bring in a lot, but it did help pay for yearbooks, sports gear, or a trip to the cheap movies. I read a lot and the recurring theme in magazines at the time was “reinventing” oneself. Gone were the days of working at the same company in the same career for 20, or 30-plus years. People were changing careers, starting their own businesses or even taking a totally different road. Going from stock broker to textile designer wasn’t as farfetched as it would seem! Isn’t that what I was trying to do on a smaller scale? Could that be true for my husband too? I couldn’t deny that one word had changed in my husband’s mantra. He was now saying “I’ve GOT to retire at 50!”
I’m a person of faith and I believe that all things happen for a reason. But I will admit that I have a tendency to panic first and think later. Then my husband decided to take time off to paint the house to prepare for retirement and downsizing, and yes, I panicked! We took on the house painting project together. As we worked I worried, and prayed, AND took notice. He took on that house painting project with gusto, much like he did with his weekend projects. He was having a wonderful time regardless of the aches and pains! That gusto was what was lacking in his day to day life. Where had the time gone anyway? Suddenly he was 49 years old, and it was becoming blatantly obvious his pipe dream was becoming a reality. We had been contributing regularly to a retirement account, but how did it work? Was there enough? What came next? No more ignoring, no more stalling. It was time to sit down and figure it out, because a new journey had already begun!
To be continued.