Resolution or Evolution?

There is a paradox that we as women often find ourselves in. On the one hand, we are expected to be super women in all aspects of our life. We are expected to juggle family, family crisis, work, work crisis, and all other matters of life and death with ease and success. And because we live in one of the most prosperous countries in the world, we are expected to be happy, joyful, put together women on a daily basis as we master the chaos around us.

So, here is the paradox that I find myself living in. On the one hand, it is impossible to keep up the pace of managing work and family and be fully present and fully authentic. Something has to give, often it is self-care. And I think that may be how 20 extra pounds found their way onto my body over the last 2 years. Can you relate?

My cousin Lee, is a personal trainer who tends to give women the “out” we need. When a woman is upset at her weight gain, Lee brings perspective to the moment with a simple comment. “Maybe you needed a little extra protection.” Yes, some of us lost weight during a divorce, death of a parent or loss of a job. Throughout my life, it has been the loss of personal power and then pushing thru instead of retreating to a place of ease that has caused me to need that extra weight for many years of my own life.  Weight has been a substitute for my own personal power that was sorely lacking. So, my reality and the reality of many of my friends is that we put on weight. Subconsciously we needed the extra protection, the stronger boundaries, and the weight provided it though at a cost to our own well being. Sometimes we just need our bodies to be that extra buffer between the craziness of the world and our tender hearts. So yes, I agree with my cousin, sometimes I just needed extra protection and I am grateful for my body’s resiliency and capacity to buffer me thru hard times.

The whole experience of eating has amped up. In 2019, food at many restaurants are packed with extra calories, because of double frying and the addition of hidden sugars and fats as restaurants compete for our business. And there is this marketing ploy to quench our insatiable American appetites. So when did commercials and advertising decide how I feel and relate to food? I think it slowly creeped in. Count how many restaurants, grocery stores, coffee houses are within a 1-mile radius from your house. What about 2 miles from your house. We are bombarded with the image of food all day long. Whether we drive thru a coffee kiosk or go get in line at our favorite coffee house the selection is endless. I heard recently that there are over 17,000 different coffee combinations at our local Starbucks. We can literally have it any way we want. The choices are overwhelming. So yes, sometimes I need extra protection, a little extra weight might serve me, and I live in a country where both the marketing and access to food is literally in my face all day long.

I started asking myself some questions. “Do I still need extra protection?” “What do I really like to eat?” “Is this extra weight part of aging?” I started noticing how others related to food. I started listening to women that were finding different ways to relate to food. I have friends that are gluten free/sugar free, friends that do not do dairy, friends that are more Paleo with meat and veggies... there are friends that are vegetarian, friends that are vegan, friends that eat only organic, friends that love to cook and/or bake. It was almost overwhelming to look at all the types of different lifestyle diets that my circle of friends and family choose.

There were a couple of voices that rose above the others. I have a friend, Marilyn, who years ago lost her weight with Weight Watchers and has kept it off. And I have a cousin, Linda, who excels at both cooking and baking who lost 15 pounds with Weight Watchers and has kept it off this past year. (Well barring the slightest extra protection as her house is now on the market.) So, I figured I had nothing to lose except weight, so I tried Weight Watchers...and it is working.

In all honesty, I think it could have been NOOM or one of the other supportive weight loss programs. They all have something to offer. A slightly different perspective on looking at food, a systematic way to approach weight loss, strategies for healthy eating and exercise and some sort of support, be it a weekly meeting, a weigh in for accountability, apps and tools like Barcode scanners to give you a quick sense of points. Yes, counting points versus calories while shooting for healthier choices in eating and a healthier relationship to food.  The point is I tried something. I put myself at the top of the list.

Yes, work is still crazy busy. Yes, I am still trying to find healthy boundaries with family. And yes, sometimes I need extra protection and sometimes self-care is illusive. Yet it feels good to be thinner and have one aspect of my life focused on my well-being.

I have many needs, the need for personal power and ease in my life, extra protection when my personal power falls short, the need for a healthy body that moves with ease and the need for kindness, lots of it. In addition, kindness to myself, I am finding, is always the best place to start; whether it is compassion moving thru my failures or gentle encouragement to keep self-care in the forefront.